Back to Work??

So last monday I started working again just part time though. Let me back up a bit....since Jake joined the Army I have been staying home with the kids. I don't like the idea of paying someone else to raise my kids. Thats why I originally went into real estate. I thought oh ya I can work from home, make my own hours, blah blah. Well to be successful, you have to accomodate everyone else's schedules. Also I worked in new construction which means working out of a model home. Not bad if your kids are older but sending Keegan to a babysitter after he was only 6 wks old was heartbreaking. Ok fast forward....so it must've been the long deployment getting to me but when I was at the PX recently, I saw a friend of mine putting out lotions and perfume, etc. I asked her how she got the job doing that because she doesn't actually work for the px. So she told me about how she works part time and makes her own schedule, yadda yadda. So I said, "ok are they ever hiring? That sounds nice." So a few weeks later I run into her and she tells me that she mentioned me to the lady that hires for Yankee candles and I would be getting a phone call for an interview. I was all excited thinking a little extra money for the holidays, time away, etc. Then I go to the interview and was later called and offered the job. Thats when the guilt and doubt set in. For starters I had the hardest time finding child care. A new brigade of about 3000 families moved in over the summer and all the childcare spaces are full. Kenlee loves going to the daycare center. She has gone there a couple times in the past couple months when I've had appointments, things like that. So she loves the kids and I have friends who work there so I know she's in good hands. Of course that place is full now. Home providers were full. Was this a sign?? Then one day I'm sitting at home playing with Kenlee and folding laundry and thinking to myself, "what was I thinking wanting to go back to work"? I realized just how much I love being at home. This may sound so corny and lame, well too bad....
I love taking care of my home. Spending the day with my child, cleaning my house (not the acutal cleaning part I mean I'm not crazy, just the satisfaction afterward). I love that contribution I make for my family. No I'm not out curing cancer, but my family thinks its pretty important. Well I talked to Jake about the job on the phone and he said he also likes me being home but that it was my decision. He's so great. Oh I forgot to mention, I had already accepted the job before realizing all this so I already felt an obligation. Especially since the lady had already told the other person she interviewed, too bad.
So starting last week I confirmed, ya this is not really worth being away from Kenlee. I had to send her to different friends to be watched. Well then I got some info that a lady that is certified in home care will be available to start watching her next wednesday. So I guess I will be sticking with this atleast through the holidays. Besides, my original thinking was that when Jake takes his block leave, (Thanksgiving through New Years off) he will be able to stay home with her and they can have some special time together. I am only working like 4 hours a day anyway. So I'm overstressing all this right? Its ok....only part time. Really truely (ya keep telling myself that). But back to me thinking about my wonderful life....can I just end by saying I was able to truely count my blessings that day. Not just think about it in hindsight like usual (yes I know I'm lucky, I have a healthy family, a home, freedom, etc) but I was REALLY able to say "dang, I really am lucky. Yes my husband is away from me and its harder than I can ever describe, but I know how much he loves me. He is truely my best friend. And I AM so very blessed to have 3 beautiful, healthy children who are only young for so long. They bring me such joy, such stress and I wouldn't have it any other way. And I do love being the one who is there when they come home from school. Making them dinner, volunteering in their classrooms, suprising them when I come to have lunch with them at school, reading at night, taking them to karate, cheerleading, dance, girl scouts, etc etc. (ok I lied, that gets so old, I cannot wait for my husband to be here so he can do some of that for a change...but I do like watching them, its just the shuttling around part) So i guess lesson learned A. be careful what you wish for B. if it aint broke, don't fix it and C. Always count your blessings. We'll see how it all goes......